Allow me to introduce myself.  My given name is Jennifer, but I also go by another name.  I call her “Impatience”.  I admit it.  I hate to wait.  I do everything that I can to avoid it, but I am always unsuccessful.

I have asked myself over and over again what is the reason that I am so impatient.  I have yet to come up with a solid answer except I am seeing things only from my eye-view not from the whole point of view.  It is because of this limited perspective I have struggled with every test my life has presented me.

In life we face many trials and during these trials we have to train ourselves to wait for the answer to appear or for a door to open.  I am spoiled and I want everything to go as I planned it.  I expect things to happen on my timetable and waiting for me isn’t realistic.  It is inconvenient.  It appears that I need a wake-up call.

We all know life is far from easy and no one has it down pat.  We all make decisions and we all have consequences for these decisions.  It could be a continuous cycle that we refuse to break for whatever reason or it could be an inconvenient circumstance that brings us to our knees and humbles us.

I have always been a little stubborn.  I think if I reason hard enough I can come up with the answer as to why I am going through this difficult situation.  I hold the idea that I have the power to change things because I am a strong person.  I fail to realize that I do not have any power and that my strength is based on a higher source, not my own.

For the past two and a half years, I have been going through the same struggle and I have faltered so many times because of this.  I grew angry because I wanted a quick resolution so I could move on with my life.  I was naïve and arrogant to say the least.  I failed to see that through each struggle one of the key ingredients for dealing with this is that I must wait.  It will not come or pass until its appointed time.  I cannot rush it.  I cannot ignore it.  I just have to accept it.

I also found that I was looking at things all wrong.  I wanted an answer or a reason for this struggle.  Why is a small word with such big expectations.  It is a question that isn’t easily answered (if it could be answered at all).  Some struggles are so out of the ordinary that why ceases to bring any explanation or satisfaction.  We all have trials in which we cannot find any level of understanding.  Who can explain cancer or the loss of a child?  We need to turn away from asking why and center on what is meant to come out of this instead.

Once I was able to shift my focus, only then could I begin to find a way to deal with it.  It does not eliminate the struggle, but it helps me to navigate it better.  I will never have all of the answers, but I can learn from this experience.  I was so caught up in myself and my hurt that I could not see past it.  I could not fathom that there would ever be a way out or that something good could come out of it.  I was naïve and very mistaken.

I now look at my trials with a new set of eyes.  I look past my pain and struggle and I try to find a lesson from all of this.  How do I respond when disaster strikes?  Is this a lesson to teach me that I need to make a change within myself or go in a new direction?  Is this a catalyst that spurs me on to an even better future?  I take all of this into account, let it seep in and listen.  Sometimes our minds race so quickly and we lose ourselves in all of the emotions produced during the struggle, that we fail to just sit back and listen.  It is with clear minds that we can hear the wisdom He imparts to us.

Life struggles are not something we can receive one minute and solve the next minute.  They are meant to change us in some way and we have to give it time to settle and wait to see where we are meant to go or what we are meant to do next.  We need to take a deep breath, gather whatever strength we have (either our own or through a strong support system), and wait for a new opportunity or path to appear.

I had to change my attitude and interject some gratitude at the same time.  I am weathering a storm, but my faith is keeping me grounded and I am in good hands.  The problem took time to build and it has to take time to be resolved.  I have to learn to be patient and wait.  I am definitely going against the grain here, but I am calmer now because it is out of my hands.  I gave up my desire for control when I fully surrendered all of my issues to Him.  He sees the storm and beyond.  Who is better to be in control?

I have made poor choices in my life and I have applied so-called “Band-Aids” to these rash decisions.  I have had to repeat some of these lessons due to my inability to just sit back and wait.  Instead I took control (or so I thought) and made the mess worse.  I do not want to make the same mistakes again and again.  I need to get off of this vicious cycle.  I need to take the time to re-think past actions and grow from this test or trial.  I need to listen to the wisdom that comes from it.  No matter how long it takes I plan on doing just that.

It will not eliminate struggles from happening, but it can save me the unnecessary worry, when I realize it is out of my control.  Trust in Him who sends you the test and let His hand guide you through it.  It is a leap of faith and my placing it all into His hands gives me a calmness which results in my anxiety dwindling.  Reflect and observe.  Something will come out of this.  Just remember someone is always there for you and He will get you through it.