Peacemaker or Troublemaker

Are you someone who raises a flag in peace or do you prefer to lend a hand towards starting trouble?  Is it possible to be one and then the other or just like a leopard, are we unable to change our spots?

 

I have thought about this long and hard and here is what I have concluded.  I believe everyone can start over, but we have to want to make a difference in order to do so.  Just saying we want this is not enough.  We have to stand behind that desire and strive to make it succeed.  It does not happen overnight nor will it be easy to accomplish.  Like removing a hardened stain from a tile floor, this will take a lot of hard work and grit.

 

Human beings are more prone to revealing their negative nature before their good nature.  We say we are good, but we quickly jump to conclusions everyday and we are quick to criticize before we pass out a compliment.  Peek into any company office and you are more likely to hear workers gossiping about fellow co-workers instead of boosting workers morale.

 

I used to be a grumbler.  I feel a part of me at that point in my life just wanted to complain, so I did.  Sometimes it was minor comments and sometimes my assessments and comments were quite harsh.  I am only saying this to demonstrate how low we can go and how we have the power to damage someone else’s life by what we say or by how we act.  I look back at the old me and I cringe at her.  She honestly thought her sarcasm was funny and did not see the damage she started.  She was a fool who lived for the moment and lived for the response she created.

 

One day that fool got a taste of her own medicine and it was not pretty.  She heard the comments and it cut deep.  She walked away feeling shameful and feeling sorry for herself.  However, deep down she knew she had caused this reaction.  The adage is you reap what you sow.  How could she get angry when she, herself, used the same tactics in the past?  It was here that I took a long hard look at myself and decided:  No more.  I have always been rather critical especially on myself and I tore myself a new one so to speak.  I know the sharpness of the comments flung at me and now I understood where those I had insulted were coming from.  I refused to be her any longer and I decided to change my path.

 

Was it easy?  Heck no!  It was hard and I felt myself wanting to fight every inclination to change at first.  I had to break an old habit and form a new trait.  I had to spend a lot of time by myself and really got to delve deep down inside of myself to see who I was and who I wanted to become.

 

I had to take baby steps around people and it was scary.  I had no idea who would accept me and who would walk away.  I had to be strong enough to accept whatever their decision would be.

 

I sought advice from God (whom I was distant from in the past and I believe with all of my heart my change was due to him) and I listened to others.  It is so easy to play the know it all, but once you drop that façade and just listen to others around you and to your surroundings, wisdom finds a place to enter.  I learned a lot during this time and I made the necessary changes.

 

It’s funny I was so outgoing and loving as a child, but then I let life’s hurts in and I changed and became so defensive and that is where everything stemmed from.  My hurt grew into anger and I made my tongue my weapon to shield me (so I naively thought) from getting hurt by others.  Now my tongue is my tool to use to speak well of and to soothe others.  I took an enemy and found a way to make it a tool for friendship not destruction.

 

I seek others out now, but for different reasons.  I choose to find a way to make them feel they fit in and not find a way to shut them out.  I seek answers to problems, but strive to find a peaceable way for resolution instead of a way of causing chaos.

 

A leopard may not be able to change its spots, but humans can if they really want to.  I am an example of that, but I am also an example of a love so pure and a presence so merciful that I was given this second chance.  I chose to walk forward in the light and in the presence of God.  I chose to strengthen a weak relationship that today is stronger and closer than I have ever been to or with anyone.  I pushed away someone so precious in order to make my own choices.  What I found out was not only that I was lost, but those decisions I claimed to have all of the control over, were poor choices made from hurt and desperation.  When I learned to lean on God and let him guide me, I learned to trust in him and his path for me.  I learned to let go of my arrogance and hold onto his love for me.  He had never failed me and never left me alone to fend for myself.  He is my rock and my refuge and he alone has given meaning to my life.

 

Do not find ways to start strife, but find ways to end it.  Let go of your past hurt and anger and hold onto love instead.  It will lift you up and it sustains you.  It will lead you to a fuller and happier life.  Surrender everything and accept the gift bestowed upon you.  There is still so much to do and to learn.  Never feel you have nothing left to learn or gain from this life.  Realize the older you get the more you still need to learn.  Wisdom can always be attained if you set your focus on gaining it, and you realize how precious it is once you have it.

 

Put down the clubs and the swords drawn in anger and lift up that white flag in peace and wave it proudly.  Be a witness to the transformation that will occur once you decide to change.  Once you decide it is better to live in harmony and love and not through war or hate.

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