The other day I decided to start a walk down a new path.  I had grappled with this decision for the past six months for it weighed heavy on my mind.  However, once I made the decision to press forward on this path, I decided that there is no turning back.  I have always been good at turning back as soon as things got tough.

Life doles out many different scenarios.  Some are good and some are seemingly bad.  I find that during these times when we are thrust into the middle of the storm, our greatest lessons can be learned.  What starts out as a problem can turn into one of our greatest journeys.  There is a saying that when one door closes God opens up a new door.  I believe we need to walk through the bad scenarios to be able to see that open door.  Once we see the door, we can walk through and start a new chapter of our life.

Almost two years ago I was let go from my job.  In this economy, downsizing occurs in many businesses, but I never really expected it to happen to me.  I wouldn’t say I was naïve, but then again I do have a pair of rose colored glasses…

Unfortunately, I was in the first cut and had to find myself scurrying around trying to get acclimated to being unemployed.  Anyone who has been or is currently unemployed understands it is a long process and difficult to get used to.  I updated my resume and decided to hit the ground running.  I searched all of the available search engines for employment and put a plan into motion.  At first, I thought with 20 plus years of experience I should be able to find something pretty quick.  Again I donned my rose colored glasses and was soon disillusioned.  It was tougher than I thought.  I forgot to factor in the economy while I searched.  Now, more people are unemployed; which means more people are fighting for the same positions.  I went to one interview in which over 400 people had applied.  I needed to reassess my objective again.  I also had to factor in my age, my limitations and redefine my goals.

I have worked my whole adult life and though not every job was ideal, I was glad to be working.  We always miss what we had once it’s gone (Yes, I do speak in platitudes).  I need to work for I am no good when I am idle.  I have to put a positive spin on all of this to keep my sanity intact.  This is very challenging and also very damaging to one’s self-esteem, mine in particular.

At this time I also went through a medical crisis.  I felt I was being punished for being a good worker and getting laid off and on top of that I got sick.  I had no strength left, but I had to find it because you need to actively look for work to retain your benefits.  I went through four months of going to doctors to save my legs and at the same time interviewing with anyone who gave me the opportunity.  This was not easy.  It would have been a detriment if I mentioned my legs, so I couldn’t.  Yet, due to my condition, it slowed me down.

I searched everywhere for some meaning to all of this and I prayed every night for an answer.  I knew deep down inside that there was an answer.  I just had to wait for God to reveal it to me.  Before I was laid off, I had a rough busy season with the company I was at.  As usual, it was exhausting, but it was much more than that.  I was stressed out, fatigued and so unhappy.  There were a lot of new policies implemented that were not beneficial to the employees or the health of the company itself.  I was angry at myself for getting so worked up with all of this and caught up in the mood at my work environment.  I prayed each night for a change knowing this was getting to be too much for me to handle.  That was back in August and in November of that year, I was let go.  I believe that this lay off was due to my prayer request.  At the time, I did not see that, but now after much thought; I do believe this was the beginning of a new path for me.

While I searched for work, I also took time to get in touch with myself again.  What did I want?  Where do I want to end up?  I spent many hours soul-searching for these answers.  Being a little obtuse, it took a bit for me to see or interpret the answer.  One day a feeling was nagging at me and it became more evident over a period of time.

For as long as I can remember, I have loved to write.  I have written poetry ever since high school.  I have worked on novels and ¾ of the way completing one of them.  People have read essays, poetry and parts of my novels.  I have received good feedback from this.  This feeling kept reverberating over and over again in my mind.  I would be thinking of something else and a thought would pop into my head telling me to write.

I have taken the time to get back on that horse again and see where it leads me.  This may be my open door waiting for me to walk through it.  I need to take that chance this time and not let fear hold me back.  I am good at avoiding things that cause fear and my fear of success has the strongest hold over me.

So I still am looking for work, but I am walking this path as well and hoping it leads me to a new journey.  My favorite poet Robert Frost wrote The Road Not Taken about taking an unknown path that was less traveled and how it changed his life and made the difference.  This is the path I want to travel down.  It will provide obstacles along the way to shape me or perhaps make me falter, but I will learn so much as a result.  I am sure the rejection letters will flow and be plentiful, but someone somewhere is going to read what is written and give this new writer a chance.

Walk down the new path in your life; do not dread the possibilities of failing, or of things not going your way.  Drop the excuses, shed the fear, and just start walking.  The journey itself will be the reward.