The beginning of the year always brings much promise of what could be or what can come, but it is usually short-lived. As I celebrated this past New Year, I had no idea what the future held for me, nor where I was going to land once I found out some hard truths.

 

These past six months I have gone from one doctor to another and in one hospital and then another and now the possibility of one more hospital. Please do not misread this post. This is not a post about anger or how someone has let me down. This is a post about clarity, priority and certainty.

 

For over twenty years my health has been getting worse. I had ample opportunity to get things under control and I have failed more often than I have succeeded. I let my past hurts define me and determine this path. I was setting myself up to fail no matter what the cost was to my body. I was running away and I failed to stop, catch my breath and assess the situation. I was stubborn to say the least.

 

I thought I had it under control, but that is where I went wrong. In this life we are hit by so many issues. We tell ourselves that we are strong and that we can get through anything, but we are wrong. We do not have any control, or possess our own personal strength and we are all fallible.

 

It is here where I let my anger out. It was seeping out of my pores already. I needed to vent to let it go. I needed to admit my failures to myself and confess them to God if I wanted to continue on with this life. I yelled. I cried. I pitied myself, yes, I was shameless about that, but in the end I realized a few things.

 

First of all, I had no control over my life. Choices to make yes, control no. I had to step back, assess and learn from my past. God was giving me time to do this. I like to think this was another chance at getting it right this time. Now I am not trying to take credit about any method implemented to achieve this objective. I give all of the credit to the Lord. He was silent and He led me to explore my pain and my issues and see the error of my ways.

 

Was it easy? No, it was very painful. At times I felt shunned by loved ones. At times I felt that I had no friends, but then realization entered the room and my eyes saw things much more clearly. So clearly I now know my priorities and I know I have a lot of changes to make.

 

I read my bible faithfully to hear His instruction and to gain wisdom. I had to be completely broken in order to come to Him. Face it, I was prideful at times and I wanted to handle all of this on my own, but it was not possible and He was teaching me that. He sent others into my life to teach me that I needed to ask for help in order to heal. I struggled a long time before I could humble myself and ask for help.

 

He held my hand and assured me again and again not to be afraid. He instructed me to trust him completely and to keep on living each day to the fullest. He led me to understanding myself and that I need others in my life. We all do. No one should live this life alone and we all need to be there for anyone who needs a helping hand, a hug, encouragement, and to feel loved.

 

For years I have wanted to be a blessing to others. I had prayed often about this, but circumstances always seemed to get in the way. Now clarity was making an appearance courtesy of the Lord and a new perspective was being formed. My priorities were out of whack. I put a job and money over my health and needs. I centered on what I could gain materially and not on what I needed to gain spiritually. How could I be a blessing to others if I could not get myself turned around? I had to make wise choices and for the right reason.

 

The more I put myself in the Word, the more I saw the bigger picture and the person in the picture. I decided to surrender and just let it happen. I decided to be content even when the pain seemed unbearable. I decided to trust Him most of all and go with whatever happens. He has always provided for me and answered my prayers. However, keep in mind He answers with what is best for you, not with what you feel is best. He does have your best interest in mind.

 

He will be there. I had to take a look back to see all of the times He was there and I just did not know it or maybe I could not believe He actually was there for me. But He was! When I realized that He was beside me all of my walls started to crack and then began to crumble. Anxiety, fear and doubt became replaced by calm, peace of mind and that feeling you get when you know something is right. Do I still struggle? Every single day of my life, but will I let the negative overcome me? No. He will get me through this.

 

I am writing this today and still uncertain as how all of this will play out. The difference this time is the knowledge I have gained. Whether I am healed on this earth or in Heaven, I am okay with the outcome. Do I want to continue on? Yes, for I feel I still have a lot of work to do for Him, but I do not get to make the decision as to when I leave this world, so why focus on that or worry about it? He determines that and I know confidently that I will not leave until whatever He asks of me is accomplished.

 

My sage advice? Open the bible and read His word. This instruction book will impact you in ways that you never knew were possible. It is a book of knowledge (read: wisdom) and tells us the story of what true love is all about. A love so strong that He sent His son to die for us in order for us to live. A Creator so faithful in His promises again and again. A message that states “Do not be afraid for I am with you” demonstrates how strongly he loves us and how He is always with us. Hold onto all of this and let Him into your life to guide you, teach you, spiritually nurture you and show you how much He loves you.

 

He will get you through whatever the storm is, but you have to commit yourself to him by being willing to accept him and by asking him into your life. Take a moment and drop whatever you are doing and just listen to him. Let all of your stress, pain and hurt fall away and then leave it all at His feet. Make a decision to follow Him and then trust that He will get you through every obstacle that comes your way. Let Him lead and walk with him. Let him carry you when it is too hard to walk on your own.

 

I still have obstacles to encounter, but I am not facing them alone. He is facing it with me and will get me through this. Please dear friend: Let him into your life and let him be in control. You will not regret it and you will find peace because of it. God Bless!