In life we are dealt many hands.  Some are perceived as good and some can be perceived as bad.  Nonetheless, with each hand we have issues that can arise from it.  It is how we determine to handle these issues that I want to address today.

The old saying is “I may have lost the battle, but I won the war” comes to mind as I write this.  Even better is the advice to choose our battles wisely.  The question is do we choose wisely or do some people enjoy the game of war and insist on playing this game no matter what the consequences may be?  Finally, I wonder if we decide to play this game are we fully participating; thus standing our ground or are we merely uttering words to that effect and pretend to take a stand?  Are we weighing our options before the battle or are we just impulsively jumping into unchartered waters?

In my past I have been involved in many battles whether I knew about them or not and those I knew about were a result of being thrown into a situation in which I had to decide where to stand.  A wise person assesses the situation around him or her and then after much deliberation as to what the cost would be and if it would be worth pursuing, decides to fight or just walk away.

I have tried to walk away, but I unfortunately have not always been wise.  I have listened to my emotions and reacted quickly to these situations.  I let my emotions determine everything and sadly, I have lost many battles as a result.  I didn’t think clearly.  I didn’t assess my opponent.  I was not prepared.  Funny for a person who always plans before attempting anything, I really blew it.

So what is the correct way?  It depends on your own value system.  Do you want resolution at a high cost or do you run at the mere thought of confronting anyone?  Are you strong enough to stand on your own two feet and stand your ground or do you need someone to stand behind?  Is it worth losing a friend over or is the principle of the matter the most important thing? We can create our own rules or we can stand behind rules society has deemed necessary.  We have to make this decision.  No one else should do this for us.

I recently had to face this choice again.  This time I actually put more thought into it.  It was a familial issue, but after much thought I decided to proceed ahead.  I chose to stand my ground, but in order to do so, I had to walk away.

I saw the outcome before it happened.  I knew no amount of fighting my side of the issue would change the opponent’s mind.  Her mind was set ages ago and I always gave her the benefit of the doubt.  In the past I naively thought I could change her mind in some way.  I knew the cost of doing this would be high and that there would be collateral damage.  I am not sure to this day if the parties involved will ever speak to me again.  I knew that was a risk, but this time I knew I had to finally stick up for myself.  I would rather be “disowned” for the right cause than stay in the status quo out of obligation.  I just chose a different means to achieve this.  I walked away, but not before letting her know how hurt I was.  I did not start an argument.  I did not demean that person.  I decided to break away instead.  It was because of my love for my family that I did this.

I am not meaning to sound like there were no ramifications from this decision.  There were and it does hurt.  But the point that I want to make is that I chose to firmly stand my ground and to defend my cause regardless of the outcome.  However, you have to be willing to accept everything that comes with the decision.  There may be pain, loss, and so much more.  I wish a different scenario resulted, but I could not sit by any longer and let myself stay in a situation that demeaned me.  I had to take make choice and stand behind it.

Whenever a conflict enters your life, think it through first and then take a moment before acting on it.  Determine the cost(s) involved and then determine if you are willing to take a stand to achieve this.  If you cannot commit to this, then do whatever it takes to resolve or accept the conflict.  However, if you are willing to take the chance, respect yourself and the parties involved, and stand behind that decision.  That is your testament to your character.  This is your fight to win or lose, but winning cannot come if you cannot stand by what you believe.  Good luck!